About two years ago my son, Caleb, ad I were in the waiting room of my daughter’s dance class. The room is very small and cramped and we shared the close quarters with two other moms. One was very pregnant and the other was sitting with her two year old boy. The mother of the the boy asked the pregnant mom if she was having a boy or girl. She answered that she was having a boy and let out a sigh. She then went on to say that she “doesn’t get boys or know what to do with them”. I was surprised to hear that the woman felt this way and then, to my surprise the first woman answered “You are in for a shock! Boys are so much harder. They are active and into everything. My son is more difficult to deal with than my daughter and boys are so messy. I would much rather have a girl.” I was shocked that the woman felt this way and that she said it all in front of her son. The conversation went on in the same way for a few minutes and when I was finally able to collect myself I looked down at my four year old son who had been listening to all these comments and generalizations about boys. I spoke up and said that I think boys are fun and sweet and she shouldn’t say horrible things about boys in front of her son and I do not appreciate her saying them in front of mine. Neither of the moms had much to say about my comments but they did change the subject (they also never spoke to me again). Looking back I think I could have said something more eloquent and convincing but at the time I was just glad they quit talking.
You are probably wondering why I am sharing this story. The whole incident made me stop and think about how I feel about boys. She is right in a way. I don’t really “get” boys either. I am the mom of two girls and one boy and I have to say that although each presents challenges and rewards, I do generally understand girls a lot better because I am one. My son makes sound affects I could never imagine. He runs by twenty times in a row pretending to be a car. He loves to tease, chase, and scare his sister. He spends hours building a castle out of blocks only to destroy it in seconds because he is pretending to be an alien. He doesn’t care if his clothes match or if there is peanut butter on his face and bath time is more about crashing boats than good hygiene. That is my son and every child and every boy is different but bear with me while I generalize a bit. Boys are active, adventurous, and messy but isn’t that what makes life fun? It definitely gives some balance to my house where there are 3 females and 1 male for the majority of the day. My son encourages me to run, play, climb, dig, ride a bike, camp, fish, play video games, and go on adventures. Some of these things I wouldn’t do very often or at all if he wasn’t there asking with his big brown eyes.
When I think about the things I love about my husband they are generally things that make him a good man. He is a hardworking provider, a loving father, and a loyal husband. But he is also active, adventurous, and isn’t afraid to get dirty. Aren’t I supposed to be raising a boy that will grow up to be a man? A man that may be a husband and father some day? If my son is going to grow into the man God wants him to be I need to let him be an active, busy, messy, climbing, crashing, and castle destroying boy. I don’ need to understand him, I just need to let him grow. He isn’t meant to be one of the girls he is meant to be just what he is, a boy and a future man.
There isn’t a benefit to having a boy or a girl or one child over another. As moms we need to accept our kids for who they they are and appreciate their gifts while accepting their weaknesses. We may not always understand our kids but God trusted us to be their mothers. If we put our faith in him he will equip us with what we need to raise them to be the men and women they are meant to be. When my active son “drives” by and makes a pit stop to give me a kiss on the cheek it makes me smile. I don’t have to understand everything about my kids to make it worth having them.
In Defense of Boys by Sarah L. was originally published in the March 2012 Indian Creek MOPS newsletter. This article was used with permission.
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